Don’t Believe Everything You Think byJoseph Nguyen

In “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” Joseph Nguyen presents a transformative approach to understanding the human experience and alleviating suffering. The book’s central premise is that our thinking, not external circumstances, is the root cause of our psychological and emotional pain. By learning to recognize and let go of destructive thought patterns, we can access a natural state of peace, love, and joy that is always available to us. This groundbreaking work combines ancient wisdom with modern psychology, offering practical tools for readers to break free from the cycle of negative thinking and rediscover their innate well-being.

Key Insights:

1. Thinking is the root cause of all suffering

2. Thoughts and thinking are different

3. Our natural state is peace, love, and joy

4. Goals created from inspiration vs. desperation

5. Creating space for miracles

6. Following your intuition

7. The power of non-thinking in relationships

8. Unconditional creation and love

Key Insight 1, Thinking is the root cause of all suffering.

Joseph Nguyen argues that our psychological suffering stems not from external events, but from our thoughts about those events. We live in a perception of reality created by our thinking, rather than in reality itself. This explains why two people can experience the same event differently – their thoughts about the situation shape their individual experiences.

For example, imagine two people sitting in the same coffee shop. One person is having an existential crisis, stressed about their life direction, while the other is peacefully enjoying their drink. The external circumstances are identical, but their internal experiences are vastly different due to their thinking.

This concept aligns with the teachings of ancient philosophers and modern psychologists alike. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus famously said, “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.” Similarly, cognitive-behavioral therapy, a widely used modern psychotherapy approach, is based on the idea that our thoughts, not external events, determine our emotions and behaviors.

To apply this insight, start noticing when you’re experiencing negative emotions and ask yourself, “What am I thinking right now that’s causing me to feel this way?” This awareness is the first step towards alleviating suffering. Keep a thought journal for a week, noting situations that trigger negative emotions and the specific thoughts associated with them. This practice can help you identify patterns in your thinking and begin to challenge unhelpful thought processes.

Key Insight 2, Thoughts and thinking are different.

The book distinguishes between thoughts and thinking. Thoughts are effortless, spontaneous occurrences that pop into our minds. Thinking, on the other hand, is the active engagement with and elaboration of these thoughts. It’s thinking that leads to suffering, not the initial thoughts themselves.

Joseph Nguyen uses the analogy of a piano to illustrate this concept. The keys on a piano represent thoughts – they’re neutral and inherently neither good nor bad. Thinking is like playing specific songs on the piano, giving meaning and interpretation to the individual keys.

This distinction is similar to the concept of “cognitive defusion” in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Cognitive defusion involves learning to step back and observe thoughts rather than getting caught up in them. Dr. Russ Harris, a prominent ACT trainer, uses the metaphor of leaves floating down a stream to represent this process – imagine your thoughts as leaves, and instead of trying to grab them, simply watch them float by.

To apply this distinction, practice observing your thoughts without engaging with them. When a thought arises, simply notice it without judgment and let it pass, rather than dwelling on it or trying to change it. You might try labeling thoughts as they arise, such as “planning thought” or “worrying thought,” to create some distance between yourself and the thought content.

Key Insight 3, Our natural state is peace, love, and joy.

The book posits that beneath our thinking, our natural state of being is one of peace, love, and joy. This state is always available to us, but it’s often obscured by our incessant thinking.

Author points to the natural state of babies as evidence for this idea. Babies, before they’ve been conditioned by their environment, are naturally joyful and loving. It’s only as we grow older and accumulate more thoughts and beliefs that we move away from this natural state.

This concept resonates with many spiritual traditions. For instance, in Buddhism, the idea of “Buddha nature” suggests that all beings have an inherent capacity for enlightenment and well-being. In positive psychology, researchers like Dr. Barbara Fredrickson have shown that positive emotions like joy and love are not just pleasant experiences, but actually expand our awareness and build personal resources.

To reconnect with this innate state of well-being, practice periods of non-thinking. This could be through meditation, mindful activities, or simply moments of quiet observation throughout your day. Try incorporating a daily “joy practice” – spend 5-10 minutes each day doing something that naturally brings you joy, without any agenda or expectation. This could be listening to music, playing with a pet, or simply sitting in nature.

Key Insight 4, Goals created from inspiration vs. desperation.

Author distinguishes between goals created from inspiration and those created from desperation. Goals born from inspiration feel light, energizing, and expansive. They’re pursued because we want to, not because we feel we have to. In contrast, goals stemming from desperation feel heavy, draining, and are often pursued out of a sense of lack or obligation.

For instance, a goal to start a business because you’re passionate about solving a problem and excited by the challenge is inspired. A goal to start a business solely to escape a job you hate comes from a place of desperation.

This concept aligns with research on intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. Psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory suggests that goals pursued for intrinsic reasons (because they’re inherently satisfying) lead to greater well-being and success than those pursued for extrinsic reasons (external rewards or pressures).

To apply this insight, examine your current goals. Do they feel inspiring and energizing, or burdensome and obligatory? Aim to pursue goals that align with your genuine desires and values, rather than those you think you “should” pursue. Try this exercise: Write down your top 3-5 goals. For each goal, ask yourself, “If I achieved this goal, how would I feel?” and “Why do I really want this?” Your answers can reveal whether the goal comes from inspiration or desperation.

Key Insight 5, Creating space for miracles.

The book emphasizes the importance of creating mental space to allow for new insights and possibilities. This space is created when we let go of our incessant thinking and allow our minds to be quiet.

Joseph Nguyen shares examples of great thinkers like Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein, who would engage in activities like playing the violin or napping to create mental space when stuck on a problem. Often, solutions would come to them during these periods of non-thinking.

Modern neuroscience supports this idea. Research on the default mode network (DMN) of the brain shows that periods of rest and mind-wandering are crucial for creativity and problem-solving. A study published in the journal “Psychological Science” found that people were more likely to solve difficult problems after a period of incubation (taking a break from actively thinking about the problem).

To create space for miracles in your own life, schedule regular periods of quiet reflection or engage in activities that allow your mind to wander freely. This could be anything from taking a walk in nature to engaging in a creative hobby. Try the “20-minute miracle” practice: Set aside 20 minutes each day for unstructured time. During this time, avoid any goal-oriented activities or media consumption. Simply allow your mind to wander and see what insights or ideas emerge.

Key Insight 6, Following your intuition.

The book encourages readers to trust their intuition, which Nguyen describes as a direct connection to a higher intelligence. Our intuition often knows what’s best for us, but we frequently ignore it in favor of logical thinking or external advice.

Nguyen shares personal anecdotes about times when following his intuition led to unexpected positive outcomes, even when the logical choice seemed different. For instance, he describes a situation where he felt intuitively drawn to attend a particular event, despite having no logical reason to do so. At the event, he met someone who became a crucial business partner, leading to significant opportunities he couldn’t have foreseen.

This concept of intuition as a valuable source of wisdom is supported by research in decision-making psychology. Dr. Gerd Gigerenzer, a prominent researcher in this field, argues that in complex situations, intuitive decisions can often outperform carefully reasoned ones. His research shows that experts in various fields often rely on intuitive “gut feelings” to make quick, effective decisions.

To start following your intuition more, practice listening to your gut feelings. When faced with a decision, take a moment to quiet your mind and notice what feels right, beyond what your logical mind is telling you. Start with small decisions and gradually trust your intuition with bigger choices as you become more comfortable with this approach. Keep an “intuition journal” where you record decisions made based on intuition and their outcomes. Over time, this can help you develop greater trust in your intuitive abilities.

Key Insight 7, The power of non-thinking in relationships.

Nguyen extends his concept of non-thinking to interpersonal relationships, arguing that many relationship conflicts stem from overthinking and misinterpretation of others’ actions. By practicing non-thinking in our interactions, we can cultivate deeper connections and understanding.

He shares an example of a couple who were constantly arguing due to misunderstandings. When they learned to pause and create space before reacting to each other, they found that many of their conflicts dissolved naturally. They realized that much of their strife came from their own interpretations and assumptions, rather than the actual words or actions of their partner.

This approach aligns with research on mindfulness in relationships. A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that couples who practiced mindfulness reported greater relationship satisfaction and were better able to respond to relationship stress.

To apply this in your own relationships, practice pausing before reacting in conversations, especially during potential conflicts. Take a deep breath and try to listen without immediately formulating a response. Notice any assumptions or interpretations you’re making about the other person’s words or actions. By creating this space, you allow for clearer communication and deeper understanding.

Key Insight 8, Unconditional creation and love.

Joseph Nguyen introduces the concept of “unconditional creation,” which he describes as creating or pursuing goals without attachment to specific outcomes. This approach allows for greater joy in the process and opens up possibilities we might not have considered.

He shares the story of an artist who used to create paintings with the sole goal of selling them. The artist felt constant stress and rarely enjoyed the creative process. When the artist shifted to creating purely for the joy of creation, without concern for sales, not only did their enjoyment increase, but ironically, their paintings became more popular and sold better than ever before.

This idea relates to the concept of “flow” in positive psychology, described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Flow is a state of complete absorption in an activity, often associated with peak performance and enjoyment. Research shows that people are more likely to enter flow states when they’re intrinsically motivated (doing something for its own sake) rather than extrinsically motivated (doing something for an external reward).

To practice unconditional creation in your own life, choose an activity you enjoy and engage in it without any goal beyond the experience itself. This could be writing, painting, gardening, or any other creative pursuit. Notice how this approach affects your enjoyment of the activity and the quality of what you produce.

Final Summary.

“Don’t Believe Everything You Think” offers a radical perspective on the nature of human suffering and happiness. By recognizing that our thinking, not external circumstances, is the root cause of our psychological pain, we can begin to free ourselves from unnecessary suffering. The book encourages us to cultivate a state of non-thinking, reconnect with our natural state of peace and joy, and trust our intuition. By doing so, we can create space for miracles in our lives, pursue goals that truly inspire us, and cultivate deeper, more authentic relationships.

This approach doesn’t mean we should never think or plan, but rather that we should be more aware of when our thinking is helpful versus when it’s creating unnecessary suffering. By learning to observe our thoughts without getting caught up in them, we can access a deeper wisdom and live more fully in the present moment.

Actionable takeaways.

1. Practice observing your thoughts without engaging with them. Notice when you’re caught up in thinking and gently redirect your attention to the present moment.
2. Regularly create mental space through activities like meditation, mindful walks, or engaging in creative hobbies.
3. When setting goals, check in with your feelings. Pursue goals that feel inspiring and energizing rather than burdensome.
4. In relationships, practice creating space before reacting. Pause, take a breath, and listen without immediately formulating a response.
5. Engage in activities you enjoy without attachment to outcomes, embracing the concept of unconditional creation.

Concrete Suggestion.

For the next week, set aside 10 minutes each day for a “non-thinking” practice. Find a quiet place, close your eyes, and simply observe your thoughts without engaging with them. If you find yourself getting caught up in thinking, gently bring your attention back to your breath. After each session, jot down any insights or feelings that arose during the practice.

Additionally, choose one daily activity to practice mindful awareness. This could be eating a meal, washing dishes, or walking to work. During this activity, focus fully on the present moment experience, noticing sensations, thoughts, and emotions without judgment.

At the end of the week, reflect on how these practices have affected your overall state of mind and ability to handle stress. Notice any changes in your relationships or decision-making processes. This week-long experiment can serve as a starting point for incorporating the book’s principles into your daily life, potentially leading to profound shifts in your experience of well-being and your approach to life’s challenges.